Labels

For some reason, I used to be obsessed with labeling my lesbianism some time back in my life (specifically speaking in my late teenage hood and about 2 years into young adulthood).

I used to think- at a time when different circumstances meant I did not have a lot of access to the internet (we just didn't have it at home! GASP!)- that a lesbian can only either be a "Boya" or a "Banoota".


That is Arabic for what roughly translates as a butch/femme dynamic.

Once that understanding ingrained itself into my world view, it was very difficult to shake it off. I decided that I was a Banoota and that I was only ever going to have eyes for all the Boyat of the world.

Which was kind of absurd, because to me being a Banoota meant being a girly girl, with a girly girl appearance and a girly girly sense of style, which I just was not at the time.

Now I like to be more feminine in my 'style', though I don't know if I'd call it girly. I mean, I like dresses and high heels (not make up though), but I also adore weight training and would rather have short hair than my current shoulder length luscious locks-- but that too is some twisted thinking, because who said being a Banoota or 'femme' meant you cannot build muscle or only dress in decidedly ungirly clothes?

Nobody said that.

So I will stop saying that, too.

Not for my sake, I've stopped labeling myself.

It's just for the sake of humanity, I guess.